this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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