I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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