Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize