it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
