Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Boobs are out for the taking
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
