I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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