what day is it and did you see me today?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
