I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
