i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My penis needs a shock collar
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
