It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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