dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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