I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
