"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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