There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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