If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
