it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
