I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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