whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
