It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
