I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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