Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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