3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
