dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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