I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
