I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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