Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
