I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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