i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
