I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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