I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
how does that bad decision feel?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
