i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
