I am puke
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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