We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
