i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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