you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize