Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize