my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
