Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize