Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
