my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Randomize
