I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
