Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
