Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize