I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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