I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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