my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
