I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
