Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
