Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
