dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
home. puking in laundry basket.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
