i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize