His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ttyl tear gas
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
