I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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