Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
