i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
