If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
