I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize