Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
