This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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