You work out of a Hotel?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
