Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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