My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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