i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
