At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
