So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
