dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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