went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This house was built for laser tag.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
