I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
