god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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